


My Body Is a Cage

by ronans



Series: Prompts [8]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Homophobic Language, Jealousy, M/M, One Shot, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 10:31:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3116816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ronans/pseuds/ronans
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>Prompt:</strong> Mickey feels how close he's getting to Ian and starts pushing him away, but he can't stand hurting Ian (Before 3x666) - <a href="http://southsidemilkovich.tumblr.com/post/107150286289/prompt-where-mickey-feels-how-close-hes-getting">Anon</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	My Body Is a Cage

**Author's Note:**

> Not entirely happy with this so I may come back to edit it

There’s nothing complicated about smoking a cigarette. It’s the fact that Ian Gallagher’s next to him that’s the problem. They’re not talking but their arms are touching and every now and again Ian will move his leg so it’s pressed up against Mickey’s.

In some ways, Mickey wants to tell him to fuck off… But a bigger part of him (for the time being, at least) wants to keep him close because he _likes_ it.

After this realisation, he doesn’t talk to Ian for a little while. It’s because he starts craving Ian’s facial expressions, Ian’s touches, Ian’s presence and he’s scared. He knows he is and it’s dangerous.

He skips work more often than not, his probation officer’s on his ass about it almost constantly, but he can’t face looking at Ian and feeling the urge to touch him. God knows Terry reminds him daily about how affection equals weakness.

Whenever he does show up to work, he keeps his distance, maybe starting up some light joking with the redhead but not much more. And they both know Mickey’s screwing other people to get Ian out of his head, and Ian’s doing the same. There’s tension between them that neither can ignore.

But after a while it gets too much, seeing Ian trying to make him jealous. It fucking irritates him that it’s working and that Ian can obviously see that it is.

And then he really fucks up and kisses him.

*

Teaching his son how to fend off ‘queers’ in prison is considered a good day with Terry Milkovich. It makes it so much harder to even think about being with Ian. The screaming thoughts about how it’s _dangerous_ to be with Ian become harder and harder to ignore as he watches his father’s fists sail through the air, beating up an imaginary man… beating up someone like _Mickey_.

Mickey closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath. He can deal with this, he’s had to deal with it his entire fucking life. Today’s no different from any other. But he can't hide the wince as Terry speaks. He’s breathless from the hate filled exertion.

‘And if you can grab an object, fucking do it. Crowbar for instance.’ He grins and picks up his own from where it had been resting against the couch Mickey’s currently sat on. Terry grips it and he looks so comfortable with it it’s scary. But Mickey knows _he’s_ a reflection of his father; he’s always been more at ease holding a gun than someone’s hand.

He keeps talking, that sick grin on his face that Mickey’s supposed to share.

‘Pretty hard to find one of these when you're in there but try and get the back of the faggot’s head or the face with whatever you can get your hands on.’

Mickey bites down on the inside of his cheek and nods slowly, continuing to watch his father’s masterclass. At least he wasn't laying a finger on Mickey.

*

Although he’d been the one to break down the kissing barrier he himself had put in place, it’s thinking about what that meant for his and Ian’s… _relationship_ that makes him flinch back when Ian tries it a few days after.

‘The fuck’s wrong with you?’

Ian stares at him for a moment with wide eyes. ‘I… I thought this was okay now…’

‘I only fucking kissed you to prove a fuckin’ point,’ Mickey bites out. He didn't. He knows he didn't. Yeah, sure, the challenge Ian had presented gave him an excuse to kiss him, but that’s exactly it. He’d wanted to for a while before that point, and he’d only needed the nudge from Ian to go through with it.

Mickey feels instantly guilty and there’s this horrible feeling eating at his insides when he sees Ian’s face drop. He can't fucking stand looking at it. They’d been good recently and he’d started to break through the walls he’d put up in his mind when around Ian, at least. He’d felt freer and Ian had been so much happier.

It’s that hurt that makes Mickey reinitiate the kiss because something breaks when he sees Ian look like that and suddenly he doesn’t give a shit about what it means.

His father leaves town and he feels like he can breathe a little easier. Maybe being with Ian Gallagher isn't such a bad thing. Maybe he can do this.

And it’s true up until the point where reality catches up to them and everything comes crashing down because of course it does, of course he can't be happy. The timing’s fucking heartbreaking. But that’s just how it goes for a gay Milkovich, right?

**Author's Note:**

> [I'm still taking prompts if you'd like to send one :)](http://southsidemilkovich.tumblr.com)


End file.
